Fangirl-Proof
by odds are never in our favor
Summary: The Avengers, complete with not-dead comrades and former enemies, now face a new problem: they are being mobbed by fangirls. So what's a superhero to do? Naturally, they have to rain destruction down on their feels until the message gets through. Rated T for language and violence. Loki-centric, no slash. {ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS FOR FANGIRL CHARACTERS!}
1. Prologue: All Hel Breaks Loose

_Warnings: None._

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He was trying to work, but he was being distracted...

Bang.  
Bang.** Bang.**  
"Open up!"  
"AHH OHMYGOD I'm going to _faint_ if I actually see him!"

A repeated, loud banging on the front door finally got his attention. "What in the Nine Realms is the meaning of this racket?!" He yelled, exasperated. It had been over two weeks of this annoying noise. Someone, or probably several someones, was banging on the door and screaming shrilly. It hurt his ears so badly that he couldn't concentrate on strengthening the layers of defense he was installing around the building.

His once-enemy, wielding a gauntlet from his iron suit of destruction on each hand, ran in with a scowl identical to the one on the other man's face. "Is this another one of your pranks?" Tony Stark demanded of him, slurring his words slightly with the effects of the alcohol he had obviously recently consumed.

"No, of course not! Why would I force myself to listen to this insufferable din?" He asked defensively, gesturing to the door, which was shaking slightly from the impact of people's fists.

"JARVIS, what's going on outside?" Tony asked his AI.

JARVIS immediately responded with a live video stream. Hordes of crazed teenage girls and young women were flooding the street outside, shrieking at the top of their lungs with excitement. They crowded together outside Stark Tower, and those closest to the door pounded their fists against the door. One girl was running up to the door and repeatedly smashing her head against it, trying to get their attention.

"I believe that is known as a horde of fangirls, Mr. Stark and Mr. Laufeyson."

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**A/N: So, this chapter's a bit short, but I promise longer chapters in the near future.**

**Also, major feels in the next chapter. No violence (yet) and every incident that will be referenced is movie canon. For now...**

**An alert grants you the ability to view this in video form, but a review grants you a place in the fangirl crowd! (No, it actually will. Just include a fangirl name and appearance in your review.)**


	2. Chapter 1: Decisions

**A/N: Thank you to Juliegirl22, FalconYT1300, Sophia Jane Marie, Raychaell Dionzeros, AglonAuthor, and Anonymous for reviewing, and TheMostRandomOfRandomWriters and The pH alchemist for following! Please everyone, when you're submitting a fangirl character, remember to include their appearance!**

_Warnings: A bit of language, but not much. And a badly made, crude joke from Tony._

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"So what the hell do we do about these fangirls?" Clint ranted. "I heard them outside and I fell out of my air vent!"

"I could, you know, do a bit of _persuading_," Natasha suggested, throwing an unloaded gun in the air and catching it again.

"Out of the question," said Steve immediately. "We're not harming them if we don't have to."

"So these... fangirls..." Loki wondered, trying to understand what he could do to them, "they love us?" It was as if the very word 'love' was difficult for him to day.

"If a teen's two-month-long crushes count as love, then I guess they do," blurted Tony.

Bruce frowned. "Tony and I could build something to keep them away, but what could we build?"

Tony shrugged. "I don't know."

"Thor?" Steve asked. "You haven't suggested anything."

The god of thunder stared out the window at the fangirls seventy floors below and thought. After a moment of thinking, he replied, "It's like a war. They'll never give up."

"Like Jotunheim all over again," Loki murmured, "except it's not eons old and not a fight that would result in the deaths of millions. Remember what you said after the coronation? How you would discourage the next attack? It's almost the same, I'll wager my head on it."

"Don't wager your head again, brother, it didn't go so well last time." Thor smiled. Loki frowned at his persistent usage of 'brother' in reference to him, and the mention of Brock's bet. "I said I would break their spirits so they'd never dare to try and cross our borders again. Of course I remember."

"And you say they're extremely devoted to us?" Natasha asked. "Well, to a few of us in particular..." She glanced sideways at Loki, then Tony, then Steve, and finally Clint.

Loki chuckled. "And they'd do anything to keep us from harm. If that's true, then where were they during the last ten fights?"

"Oh, now I see where this is going. Interesting," Tony interjected. "JARVIS, what security videos do you have of any and all members of the Avengers Initiative being hurt?"

Loki interrupted before JARVIS could list them. "Let's see. I know I can name almost all of them. The hole in your floor you still have to fix... Helicarrier security video of Couls- okay let's not use that one for PR reasons," he listed, "Helicarrier security video of you two fighting it out," he glanced at Clint and then Natasha, "JARVIS's footage from your suit of the Chitauri attack," he looked at Tony, "and every single battle ever since then."

Coulson frowned at the second suggestion. "Definitely not that one, if you know what I mean."

Tony nodded at each suggestion. "There's more Helicarrier footage. I have a clearly worded threat from Fury regarding Bambi here." He activated his holographic workspace and pulled up the video.

**Thor:** _"There's no pain that would prise his need from him."_  
**Fury:** _"A lot of guys think that... until the pain starts."_

Once the short clip was over, Tony spoke again. "That all right to use? I mean, did he actually do anythi-"

Loki stood up and glared at him with his angry glare of I-will-kill-you, cutting off what the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist was going to say. "_**I do not believe anyone would be faring well if the fangirls overreacted, stormed into the SHIELD headquarters, and murdered Nick Fury in the middle of a Council conference call, although I would not miss the bastard**,_" he hissed angrily.

"Whoa, calm down there!" Tony stepped back. "I only asked your permission!"

Loki sat back down. "Needless to say, we are _not_ using that one."

"All right, no need to get testy about it," muttered Tony sullenly, then smirked at his own inappropriate joke. Nobody else got the joke - after all, none of them were as immature as Tony, and none of them were teenagers who could see dirty jokes in everything.

"In Asgard, our sorcerers have developed a way of turning thoughts into an illusion like yours," Thor added. "Loki had perfected this art a while ago."

Loki nodded in agreement. "I could easily... create quite a bit of tormenting for them."

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**A/N: Not much to say here. Next chapter will damage your feels, though.**

**Same as last chapter, an alert grants you a desktop wallpaper of the Avengers (including Loki the superhero), a review will still get you into the crowd of fangirls.**

**The wallpaper? Maybe, if I can find a poster that already exists.**  
**The crowd? Yep, I'm still accepting submissions for your fangirl characters. Fangirl appearances coming up in two chapters! And please PM me if you want your fangirl to be the one headbanging the door.**


	3. Chapter 2: Loki

**A/N: This chapter is almost fully composed of dark and depressing (canon) Loki moments from the Thor and **  
**Avengers movies, and the fangirls' reactions. If you don't like reading about how Loki's life sucks, don't read this chapter. **  
**(This is part of the Tragedy part of the 'fic.)**

**Gratitude goes to Juliegirl22, kylie. roby. 58 (formatting hates me and won't let me type your username), and Anastasia S for reviewing!**

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Chapter 2: Loki

_Loki closed his eyes, focusing on combining his memories and nightmares into a horror story of __monstrous feel-destruction. Tony wanted to break the fangirls? Loki would bombard them with terror __until they ceased their attack on Stark Tower._

_He should only give them a little taste of the horror that was his life, he reminded himself. This was just the tip of the iceberg, as the mortals would say. After all, how much could a mortal take before they succumbed, whether to torture or feels-destruction?_

_He would see. Oh, yes, indeed, he would see. How long would it take for them to break, just as he once had?_

_The god of mischief opened his eyes, a sinister smile on his face. "Agent Barton? There's a package for you to deliver to the fangirls."_

_The hawk-eyed archer dropped from an air vent, his expression unreadable. "If you'll stop acting like you can order me around."_

_Loki grinned and tossed Clint a small device that glowed green with his magic, but soon faded to just look like a weird metal cube with lines and curved etched into the surface, outlining runes that glowed a faint emerald. "If we're going to get rid of those fangirls..."_

_Clint caught the device, examining it curiously._

_"...then you'll have to trust me."_

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Sara looked up in surprise. "What's that?" She asked worriedly. Before any of her fellow fangirls could answer, a speed-blurred figure dropped from above, placed a small device in front of them, and bowed to them before disappearing in a blurred flash of green light, the disappearance obviously courtesy of Loki.

"OHMYGOD! Was that him?" Marie fangirled.

"_Was that Hawkeye_?" Kirsten squealed hysterically. "If it was... AHHHHH!" She collapsed from fangirling overload before she could complete her sentence.

Anastasia scoffed at her friend. "Oh, come on. You can be so crazy sometimes." Then she replayed the moment in her mind, and, deducing that it was indeed who she specifically was fangirling over, hypocritically joined Kirsten in her fangirling overload.

The device began to glow an unearthly green. "What the heck?!" exclaimed Natrix, in between headbanging runs. A two-dimensional holographic screen popped up out of the device and began to show what looked like a video.

Natrix froze just before she ran into the door again, and turned to stare at the hologram. "What the... who is that?"

Anastasia recovered from her fangirling overload and aww'd at the ten-year-old-looking Loki. "He's even cuter as a kid!" Then they heard Loki's narration of the memory.

_"If only he knew he had just vowed to kill the one he called brother."_ Kirsten blinked, confused. "What the... ?"

The scene changed from the vault to a rocky terrain, covered with ice. Snowflakes fell from the sky. But there was no time for the fangirls to appreciate the view, as they were thrust almost immediately into the memory. They watched the six Aesir fight together: Thor smashing Jotuns with Mjolnir, Sif slashing away with her sword, Volstagg, Fandral, and Hogun killing as many as they could, and Loki throwing knives as the Frost Giants ran straight through illusions of him and off of cliffs to fall to their death.

Soon, the warriors began advancing towards Loki and it turned into a melee fight. He stabbed the giants and kicked them away every time they approached. One managed to subvert his defenses and grab his arm, hoping to induce the same frostbite that had hurt Volstagg a few moments ago. But no... _"I stared at my arm, first in curiosity, then in horrible understanding as I saw my skin fade into the same blue that colored the Jotun warriors' skin. Red eyes met green as the Frost Giant stared at me and I stared back. I had long suspected that I was different from the other Aesir, but this only confirmed it. Was my worst fear true? Was I cursed - or in this case, blessed - with an odd immunity to cold, or was I... was I a Jotun - the monsters parents tell their children about at night?"_

Raych wiped away a tear. "Oh, no..."

The memory faded and was replaced with a new one._ "I stood looking down at the Casket of Ancient Winters, caught in indecision. This was the only way to know - but was knowing the truth a good thing? Finally, I took the Casket and lifted it from its pedestal. I shook my head in disbelief. My worst fear, come true. I always knew I was different. But to know I was a Jotun, a member of the Frost Giant race I had been taught to fear, to hate, to distrust... I thought of the expectations placed on Aesir warriors, that they would kill a Jotun the moment they set eyes on their foe. What came to my mind, unexpected and unwelcome, was Thor's oath that he had made as a young child: "I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all!" He had sworn to kill me._

_"No, it can't be," I whispered as the dreaded Jotun blue began to color my fingertips, then the rest of my hands. And as it spread to the rest of me, I heard Odin's yell of "Stop!" and turned to look at the man I had called my father for so many centuries with burning Jotun-crimson eyes. The colors of a monster."_

Sammie turned away. "I can't watch!"

_**"I was a monster."** _And Sammie completely broke down, sobbing and fleeing the scene.

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A quick series of narrated images followed.

_"Everything since then had just gotten worse and worse..._

_**"And your death came by the son of Odin."** I lied. Of course it was a lie. It was all part of my plans. Laufey - my father -" he whispered the word, almost disbelievingly, "Nothing would stand in the way of my kingship. Not meddlesome Jotun kings, not foolish Aesir warriors. Nothing. Even if it meant I had to kill Laufey. It all added up, to compile a horrendous list of crimes I had committed._

_**"No, Loki." **The feeling of despair as I saw that I could do nothing to impress Odin and prove myself worthy of the throne. All I had done was to show the Allfather that I should be heir._

_**"Make a move, Reindeer Games." **Stark's ultimatum as he threatened me with his array of weapons. My magic was depleted for the time being, and I could not fight back. I needed to rest and recharge. I could, in fact, do that even if I was captured. So what did I do? I let them take me. I could appear harmless, locked up in a cage from which I could easily escape, while replenishing my magic and watching to discover their weaknesses. If only they knew my capture would result in their downfall. But it still hurt me, to know that I had allowed myself to be imprisoned by mere humans._

_**"Did you mourn?"** I knew the answer, and the answer was no._

_**"Of course! We all did! Our father..." **No. Thor was lying. Just as his entire life had been a lie, and continued to be. Of course Asgard would not miss the Jotun monster that plotted to kill the Allfather and his heir._

_**"Ant, boot."** Fury taunted me from his control panel. The feeling of utter helplessness, although I knew full well that I could escape at any time had it not been crucial to my plans, was something I never wished to feel again._

_**"You lack conviction." **Even as he died, Phil Coulson could manage to ruin my facade of calmness and fear-inducing villainy. For the first time in a long, long time, something surprised me. And it was three words from the mouth of a dying man._

Mardel frowned, but smiled again. This was a perfect time for... "**Coulson lives. Fury lies.** And now I've fulfilled my daily requirement of Coulson Lives missions."

_**"Your brother, the demigod... and you've managed to piss off every single one of them." **Thor was not my brother. Never was, never would be addressed as such again._

_**"Look around you! Do you think this madness will end with your rule?"** Oh, it would. Five mortals and a brute with a hammer, however mighty they styled themselves, would eventually fall to the masses of Chitauri. My army. So invincible._

_**"Puny god." **That was one of the worst. I lay there, broken and helpless, as the Hulk scoffed at me. How could I have let himself be beaten by a human, a mere _mortal_? This was not what I had planned, not how I envisioned this battle to end. The only thing I could do was wait, wait for the building to collapse as someone crashed into it, or wait for the Avengers to find me and finish the job. Any option ended in death..."_ Loki's voice broke and he continued, it sounded like he too was crying as he recalled his past and all the times he had been wronged. _"And I would have gladly taken it."_

Adrienn wiped away a tear. "To put it bluntly, that... that sucks. I may not be fangirling over him, but..."

The screen flickered and faded into thin air. Holly tentatively picked up the small device and examined it. "I wonder how this works," she muttered, turning it over and over in her hands.

Anna was deep in thought. "Horrendous list of crimes... which would include various counts of murder and treason... I would bet you, Kirsten," Kirsten looked over at her in surprise, "I would bet on my sworn oath as a fangirl, that what we just saw... wasn't even that much, compared to anything worse that happened to him."

Kirsten nodded. "I think you're right. It's horrible to even think about!"

Jennifer came forward to take a look at Stark Tower's front doors. "Has anyone got something we could ram the doors with? They'd probably break if we hit them enough times."

Natrix grinned. "There's always my head!"

And she resumed headbanging the door.

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**A/N: I cried (and laughed at the same time) while writing this. :-/ not sure if that's good or bad... ? If you see any grammatical, spelling, or copy-and-paste-names-into-story errors, please leave them in a review and they will be fixed promptly!**

**I hope you've seen the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. commercials! "Welcome to Level Seven."**

**Also, I probably won't post a chapter for about a week, but you can bet I'll be writing. I've got a trip across the country, and I'm visiting friends, so it's not likely I'll be able to post. But maybe.**

**An alert gets you a video copy of all these moments (I may actually compile this, just to kill my feels), but a review** **will still get you into next chapter's fangirl crowd!**


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